The Genesis
I lived most of my life in a reality that didn't exist. I held on to people, things and relationships that weren't good for me. I asked myself why for a very long time. I struggled with depression and fought the past of rape, molestation and promiscuity. My trauma response varied from:
1. Pretending not to care
2. Saying YES when I meant NO
3. Putting up walls so no one can figure me out.
4. Being vocal with harsh and mean words towards others.
5. Constantly unhappy but pretending to be.
6. Wanting to be perfect all the time.
7. Doing things to be accepted or liked.
The list mentioned above is just to name a few. I felt really low about myself and life by extension.
One day after several attempts of suicide, I understood that this is not the end of my story. It's as though, a super natural type of resilience came upon me and I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I cried like a baby to God. I needed proof that He was hearing me and He saw my heart towards Him and my desire to be made whole. After a long haul of back and forth conversations with God I realized that I was living through the trauma that I experienced as a child and that of teenage to adulthood. The manifestation of my childhood trauma showed up in my marriage, friendships and even when I became a mother.
However, I believe when it comes to dealing with trauma there must be a level of honesty and transparency so that one can go through the healing process and live pass it. My healing journey was my first course in trauma recovery. When I began to remove the layers as a result of my new understanding; the game changed.
I moved from feeling unworthy to knowing my worth, access to me that was once limitless became limited. My cries became laughter and my tolerance for any kind of abuse went outside the window. I began to see a strong powerful woman. I began to see myself through the eyes of God and it was a wrap from there. My relationship with God as well, was a supernatural intervention. The things church thought me and even the things I witnessed; my mind had to be reprogrammed in order to truly see what God was showing me.
My New Understanding
Trauma Recovery and educating others became my baby. I then pursued my MSc Clinical Psychology as well as other forms of training in relation to all things trauma . As a life long learner, I learn daily and became self taught on numerous trauma related topics. When I became a coach officially five years ago, I realized that I was coaching more than a decade informally. I have seen many clients within this five year period and many didn't link their emotional and behavioural challenges with trauma. There are many adults walking around with behaviours that may seem childish, manipulative, egoistic, about self, attention seeking, perfectionists etc. These behaviours are all attached to childhood trauma manifesting in an adult's life.
On the other side of things, there are those that don't believe they are living in a trauma response mode for years. This is so because many people has the misconception that trauma must be some extreme unfortunate circumstance in order to be labelled as trauma. Trauma can be defined as anything that would have caused your emotions to dysregulated.
Sometimes, trauma is experienced in the womb; trauma in utero. In utero is the term used to describe an unborn child still inside their mother’s body – that is, inside her womb or uterus. As the mother’s body is providing the care to the child, any stress the mother experiences (maternal stress) can transfer to the child. If the type of stress is particularly bad, this can cause the child trauma. Trauma in utero is commonly caused by chaotic or unpredictable lifestyle factors including, but not limited to, the mother’s exposure to domestic violence, lack of antenatal care, or substance misuse during pregnancy. Stress experienced by the mother can lead to elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol in her body, which can then be passed onto her unborn child via the placenta.
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I am your number #1 trauma coach. I conquered and now enjoy the benefits of post traumatic growth. There is life after trauma and you have more resilience than you think. If trauma has affected you tremendously and you are having difficulties to understand your behaviours or desiring inner healing. This article was written for you. Click the button below and let's have a conversation.
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